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Random Quote"It was absolutely involuntary. They sank my boat."
John F. Kennedy

Funny Quotes

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Author	Quote Preview

Albert Einstein	Two things are infinite: th...
Albert Einstein	When you are courting a nic...
Bob Hope	A James Cagney love scene i...
Dave Barry	It is a scientific fact tha...
Dave Barry	The four building blocks of...
Dennis Miller	I rant, therefore I am....
Ellen DeGeneres	My grandmother started walk...
Ellen DeGeneres	People always ask me, 'Were...
Emo Philips	A computer once beat me at ...
Fran Lebowitz	You're only has good as you...
Fred Allen	Television is a medium beca...
Fred Allen	What's on your mind, if you...
George Burns	I spent a year in that town...
George Carlin	Weather forecast for tonigh...
George Carlin	What does it mean to pre-bo...
Groucho Marx	I refuse to join any club t...
Groucho Marx	I was married by a judge. I...
Harry S. Truman	You want a friend in Washin...
Jay Leno	Don't forget Mother's Day. ...
Lily Tomlin	If love is the answer, coul...
Lily Tomlin	If truth is beauty, how com...
Mark Twain	There is no sadder sight th...
Oprah Winfrey	Duct tape is like the force...
Paula Poundstone	I don't have a bank account...
Rita Rudner	In Hollywood a marriage is ...
Samuel Goldwyn	I don't think anyone should...
Spike Milligan	My Father had a profound in...
Steven Wright	I bought some batteries, bu...
Steven Wright	I busted a mirror and got s...
Steven Wright	I intend to live forever. S...
W. C. Fields	I am free of all prejudices...
W. C. Fields	Start every day off with a ...
Woody Allen	I don't want to achieve imm...
Woody Allen	Money is better than povert...
Zsa Zsa Gabor	He taught me housekeeping; ...